Walking in the wilderness
Today I have decided to write a blog post about something very close to my heart. This is nothing to do with running a bed & breakfast business.
But more to do with how I got here . If you are reading this if it is of any interest to you or you can relate to it in any way leave a comment if you like or message me if you like.
This is a back story about me & just part of my life that affected me greatly.
When my children were only young we bought a house on a farm it was a lovely place to bring up our children & there was no traffic it was safe for them to run about outside like children should!
Anyway to cut a long story short! it was when the house market crashed and houses lost the equity in them.
We were struggling to pay the mortgage & everything was very difficult financially, I went into a deep depression & blamed myself for our situation I was engulfed by this blackness that came over me I just couldn,t shift it.
I used to force myself to take my kids to school in the morning when my partner wasn,t around, then I used to come back home & often I used to stay in bed all day until they came back from school when my partner picked them up.
I felt useless & worthless everyday was a struggle for me to stay positive I just felt like I was in a black hole & I just couldn,t get out of it myself.
I finally went to the doctors, the first doctor I saw just prescribed me Prozac & sent me away! I did not like the thought of taking drugs and when you read the side effects of the pills & the fact you should not come off them without weening yourself off them I just took them for a short time as I didn,t want to depend on them.
I went back to the doctor,s & it was a differant one who was much more caring & said I could go to a counciling group & also arranged for me to go to relaxation & meditation class which was the turning point I then realised I wasn,t alone in this depression & the counciling which I went to every Friday for quite a few months really helped me.
By the way the depression lasted about 5 years!
Skip to today 30 or so years later & my life is so differant now!
I live in this beautiful part of the world I am very fortunate I have a lovely life now If I ever start feeling down I just know It is just my thoughts & I live for today I realise I can,t do anything about the past & I can,t control the future I can control however what I think about.
I can choose to think negative thoughts or I can choose to to think positive thoughts I choose the later every time!
. I love living here & whenever I get overwelmed with anything I just go out in the garden for a while and stay still just look at the river rushing by & appreciate all that I have in my life & my wonderful children & grandchildren.
I hope if you ever feell like this you can reach out to me or just stop for a while and look around you take a deep breath and breath in that wonderful welsh air !.